(You may read the online version directly by clicking the following link)
Mr. Tom Chen, the lecturer of “The Happy Life” (幸福人生) lecture series, gave a talk on “How to build up an excellent parent-child relationship” at the Pittsburgh Chinese School on April 17. Katy’s dispatch to the World Journal (世界日報) was published on April 20. His highly informative and articulate talk came with a sense of humor and was derived from the breadth and depth of his knowledge in many fields that include traditional Chinese philosophy. The talk greatly benefited the parents of Chinese School family.
The Happy Life lecture series began 16 years ago. Chen emphasized he is not an expert in the education field, but he was glad to share his personal experience and observation.
He made an analogy of raising kids to the “Old Cantonese” making soup, all depending on the material available. It is essential for parents to respect the child as an individual, unnecessary interference is best to be avoided. All parents love to see their children successful and prosperous.
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| 陳世瑞談教育子女問題，聽眾會心微笑 |
His advice to the parents are characterized as Five (5) A’s and One (1) B.
The first A is “All”—providing an all around education, not just narrowly focusing on academic education. The second A is “Accountable”—to be responsible; to have self esteem and self-identity. The third A is “Accept”—accepts that not everything in life is under our control; do not unreasonably burden your children with the goal that was not attainable by you. No need to push “straight A” at all times. The fourth A is “Adaptable”—parents need to learn to adapt to the change of the goal of their children as it happens. Not everyone is the Ivy League material; some may excel in the vocational schools. The fifth A is “Appreciate”—to appreciate what the children really are; learn to be content as long as their children are good persons and complaints achieve nothing.
The only B is “Balance—being thrift is a virtue, but excessive frugality and stinginess, bordering on being “cheap” is to be avoided. Communication is the key; resorting to reproach and blame or being oppressive is an exercise in futile.
In the question and answer session, Chen stated that there is no need to be a Tiger Mother, notwithstanding her making a handsome profits from her popular book and that her daughter has been accepted by Harvard. Chen also pointed out the likes of Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg are in the category of “geniuses”; mere copycat will not do it.
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| [伊利華報]的主編蒲英介紹主講人陳先生 |
Chen also briefly introduced the traditional Chinese philosophy dated back to 3000 years. There are three schools of thoughts in the field of education. It is a “positive education” (正面教育) of Confucius and Mencius, “negative education” (反面教育) from Laozi and Zhuangzi (老莊). These philosophies teach how to see things from different perspectives. Then the most abstract concept of “all things are empty”(四大皆空) that leads us to tranquility and equanimity in life. To pass along the traditional Chinese philosophy to the American-born children is the most challenging and daunting task, indeed.
(The following is Katy’s dispatch)
不當虎媽 五A一B教出好孩子
【賓州匹茲堡訊】 世界新聞網 北美華文新聞、華商資訊
April 20, 2011 06:00 AM
匹茲堡「幸福人生」講座主講人陳世瑞，17日在匹茲堡中文學校演講「如何有優良親子關係」，他談吐風趣，演講旁徵博引，華人家長獲益良多。
陳世瑞推廣「幸福人生」講座迄今已16年。他自稱在家中排行第九，北京大學畢業的父親與「小腳母親」根本不管他功課，任其自由發展。他在實驗室工作20年，娶妻生子。他說自己不是專家，不能教大家如何教育小孩，但願意分享自己的經驗。
他形容帶小孩像「老廣煲湯」，要看材料去決定作清湯或濃湯。父母必須尊重子女是獨立個體，不要干預子女，樂見兒女事業有成。
他建議父母做到「五A一B」。
所 謂五A，是(一)All。給子女全方位的德智體群生活教育。不要只重念書，缺乏其他生活自理能力。(二)Accountable。對自己言行負責，清楚定 位。別不中不西，讓孩子無從適應。(三) Accept。接受自己無法掌控的人生，別把自己達不到的理想寄託到孩子身上。不能要求孩子每次都考100分。(四)Adaptable。父母調整自己去 接受子女人生目標的改變。子女沒能力上長春藤大學，改讀職校也可以。(五) Appreciate。感謝小孩健康長大。沒為非做歹，父母知足，少對子女抱怨。
所謂一B是Blance。父母要生活平衡。節儉是美德，但別過分儉省到被在美出生的子女視為小氣寒酸。他叮嚀父母與小孩溝通，千萬不能動怒責打，不能強權高壓，反徒勞無功.
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| 陳世瑞和中文學校周宏英校長與邵際平 |
聽眾問答時，陳世瑞同意虎媽的書非常暢銷，女兒入讀哈佛大學，名利雙收。另外，他認為美國一些大學沒畢業，事業卻很成功的人都是「天才」，但一般人不要隨便東施效顰。
他說，中國3000年歷史根基，建立在儒釋道三種教育。可在年少時學孔孟儒家的「正面教育」，及長再學老莊的「反面教育」，老了再學佛道的「四大皆空」。如何把中國哲學傳遞給在美出生的華裔子女，是對中國父母的最大挑戰。
他希望教育小孩，不必像虎媽那樣兇悍，也同樣成功。(張瓊月)
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